Getting a tune out of Paul Merson is a tough gig, made even more difficult by the disjointed Soccer Saturday set
The Emperor Tiberius, unworthy successor to Augustus. Queen + Adam Lambert. Andrew Johnson assuming the presidency after the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Ronnie Irani, England’s New Botham. Moyesie. All men who took up the mantle of an all-time great, and all men who found it hard going, condemned to be compared unfavourably to the man they had replaced. And not one of them had to drag some sense out of dear old Paul Merson.
Simon Thomas, who replaced Jeff Stelling as the host of Soccer Saturday at the weekend, is unlikely to alienate the Roman senate en route to sequestering himself in depravity in Capri before possibly being murdered by Caligula, or get impeached for agitating the Civil War, or get knocked out of the FA Cup third round by Swansea City, or score 1 and 9 with the bat against New Zealand in his third and final Test match as part of a team performance so dismal that the England captain of the time was booed on the Oval dressing room balcony. But pitfalls of their own kind lie ahead for a presenter who has taken on surely the hardest assignment in British sports broadcasting.
Thomas began his tenure on Saturday by addressing Sky Sports viewers to say: “It is an absolute honour to host this brilliant show. If I can do half the job that the legend Jeff Stelling did over the last 25 years, I will have done something right.”
Half as good would still be damn good and the early signs are that Thomas, an excellent broadcaster and by all accounts a fine chap, will have his work cut out to achieve that mark. And perhaps the programme makers are not making success for their new frontman as attainable as it might be.