‘My daughter took her own life aged 16

Jenny, here pictured when she was 15, struggled with her mental health for several years (Image: ROAR Media) A mother has revaled that her daughter’s sudden death nearly drove her to end her own life before she chose to dedicate herself to helping others. Jenetta Barry recalled candidly how, after realising her teenage daughter had taken her own life, the thoughts running through her mind were mixed with the unbearable hope she could still find help to bring her back as well as relief.  Recalling the day she lost her daughter Jenny, aged only 16, Ms Barry told Express.co.uk: “I was just sitting outside, absolutely dazed on the lawn. And during all that time of finding her, trying to get help to see if we could bring her back to life, another part of me was going, ‘Oh, thank goodness. Thank goodness, she’s gone’. “Because I was always so concerned, she would end up seriously injuring herself and having a dreadful life. And I knew there was just that relief, and that she was no longer my responsibility. Those were only two of the probably 100,000 lots of thoughts that were going on inside me of relief, and desperately wanting to get my daughter back to life again.” Now, 18 years later, Ms Barry has become a counsellor and mental health activist, who wants other people who are experiencing loss to know that the death of a loved one can come with relief – and they shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Jenny when she was five (Image: ROAR Media) She explained: “It’s such a strange feeling but it is there, and that’s where a lot of people who are grieving don’t realise that somewhere in the loss of that loved one gives them relief, and it could be unconscious, but that relief can make them feel guilty.” Born in Kenya to British parents, Ms Barry, now 65, has crafted a set of skills and techniques, which she calls the Epiphany Process , to help herself and others fight depression and other mental health issues as well as living through grief. But to live the life “filled with grace” she is experiencing now, Ms Barry had to come to terms with Jenny’s life-long struggles and death. From the day she was born, Ms Barry said Jenny was her “squirmy baby”. Looking happy and settled to all those who knew her superficially, the girl privately struggled for years with her mental health, starting to feel suicidal when she was only seven. When, aged 14, Jenny revealed how she was truly feeling, her family initially had her admitted to a rehab centre in South Africa, where they were living at the time, to provide her with the help she needed. But the institute was far from helpful as, Ms Barry said, badly handled her daughter’s situation and discharged the teenager on the grounds of her not being cooperative. On that same night, Jenny unsuccessfully tried to take her own life.  Ms Barry acknowledged her daughter “challenged everyone”, her therapists as well as her own mum – but added Jenny had made her a “better mother” by doing so. For the following two years, Jenny’s mother, father and siblings “treaded on eggshells”, concerned the teenager would attempt  to take her own life again. However, Ms Barry recalled how her daughter would break housekeeping rules in place to keep her safe, something which eventually led the concerned mother to write her a letter highlighting “non-negotiable” rules. Ms Barry gave the “little scroll” to her daughter on October 10, 2005 – the day on which the teen would eventually take her life.  The letter, which the mother still believes was “necessary”, told Jenny “she couldn’t do all the things she was doing” as it was incredibly disruptive and unsafe for her and for the family at large. Jenetta Barry launched World Jenny’s Day in 2020 (Image: ROAR Media) Recalling the “massive argument” that sparked from the letter, she continued: “She said she wasn’t going to conform, and she’d rather pack and leave home, and she stormed out in an absolute rage. Her last words to me were quite something. And after about 15 minutes, I knew something wasn’t right and I went to look for her in her room.” Not finding Jenny there, Ms Barry rushed to the bathroom, where she found the body of her daughter. In the weeks that followed, Ms Barry recalled the world “falling down” around her, as her marriage ended and her other daughter chose to go live with her father. While working for many others, conventional therapy, she recalled, “failed miserably” to help her deal with the loss, and Ms Barry understood the sense of anguish and helplessness Jenny had also felt at times in her life. Stunned by grief, Ms Barry confessed she planned three times to take her own life and described her state of mind at the time as an “emotional black hole”. Change happened nine months after Jenny’s death, with Ms Barry recalling: “I was walking along the street and I knew I needed to cross the road, so I stepped off the curb and just moved mindlessly through the traffic not really caring if I got hit or not – not deliberately wanting to be [hit] but also not caring if I did. “I got halfway across that road and something inside me just shifted, as I said to myself, ‘Jenetta, you’ve forgotten you’ve got choices. You don’t have to be one label, which is the mother of the 16-year-old that died from suicide’. “And I carried on moving across the other side of the road and stepped onto the pavement and I realised as I stepped off the road that I had had what I now call my ‘crossing over moment’.” Ms Barry said she understood to still have the choice to embark on the “very hard, long journey” to get better and learn how to live with her grief. Through research and study, Ms Barry eventually crafted her own process, which helps people looking at what they consider their more negative connotations in a different light.  Despite having moved on with her life, loss and grief, she said, are “always there” and come in cycles, at times triggered by a smell, a song or a topic which remind her of Jenny. But she has learned how to deal with this pain and accept it as part of her life.  Processing her loss also helped Ms Barry decide to turn the death of her daughter into a chance to de-stigmatise conversations around suicide and depression. She has since helped create a dance show, performed both in Kenya and Europe, focused on suicide, depression and solutions to mental health issues – and has witnessed people feeling understood or understand themselves better after watching the performance.  After realising the anniversary of her daughter’s death fell on World Mental Health Day, Ms Barry also decided to launch in 2020 World Jenny’s Day , an initiative aiming to de-stigmatise conversations around suicide through the use of performing arts. On the day, performers from a wide range of arts coming from all over the world take turns in a 24-hour live-streamed event to inspire others and raise funds for the organisation and its various activities.  Other fundraising events coordinated by this global initiative take place around the year, including a Safari Cycle Ride through Kenyan Game Park from Mount Kilimanjaro to Coast planned for August.  Ms Barry also hopes part of the profits raised through her organisation’s initiative will be devolved into the creation of a Benevolent Fund for performing artists. Moreover, she is also planning a new, five-hour-long event to take place online on September 25, Jenny’s birthday, to further help raise awareness of teen suicide and the importance to speak about mental health. The Samaritans can be reached round the clock, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you need a response immediately, it’s best to call them on the phone. You can reach them by calling 116 123, by emailing   jo@samaritans.org   or by visiting   www.samaritans.org .