 From the age of 13, my morning routine started becoming unconventional. I had to do certain things before I could leave my room. Wear specific underwear, deodorant (FCUK 2) and touch certain items. If I didn't do it, my mind would obsess about how I'd have bad luck that day. That could be anything from not being funny (mortifying to me) or getting cancer. This is how I lived my life. I had such fear over my thoughts that I would do whatever my head told me to do, or else bad things would happen. I now know it to be OCD but, at that age, it wasn't something as well-known or diagnosed as it is now. It took years for me to even connect the dots. Especially because when it started, everything seemed to be going well. I was popular and well-liked, but for some reason, things started to come apart at the seams. I felt pressure to keep up the popularity. And if I felt that someone didn't like me, or a girl didn't fancy me, I'd feel devastated. I started to obsess about times when one of my jokes had bombed or someone had made a comment, and felt as if I had no armour for dealing with it. My solution was to be friends with everyone so no one could ever criticise me. I was so paranoid all the time (Picture: Alex Cooper) It was then that I felt my behaviour began to change. I started feeling that – to be liked, funny and witty – I needed to get more 'luck'. I became superstitious. You hear of footballers or sportspeople having certain routines before big games, and I felt I had the same. Yet I wasn't leading the team out at Wembley or serving for the match at Wimbledon, except I felt the pressure as if I was. Objects became very lucky to me. On top of my FCUK 2 routine before school everyday, I would drop coins on the stairs so I could walk by moments later and say, 'See a penny, pick it up, all day long, I'll have good luck'. I hoarded empty deodorant cans and old underwear that I thought were good lu){kind=link}
NEWS… BUT NOT AS YOU KNOW IT
From the age of 13, my morning routine started becoming unconventional.
I had to do certain things before I could leave my room. Wear specific underwear, deodorant (FCUK 2) and touch certain items.
If I didn’t do it, my mind would obsess about how I’d have bad luck that day. That could be anything from not being funny (mortifying to me) or getting cancer.
This is how I lived my life.