 As if a promising new situationship going AWOL isn't hard enough to deal with, what about adding a whole extra layer of awful? That's the general gist of ghostlighting: a portmanteau of ghosting and gaslighting that combines the very worst aspects of modern dating. To refresh your memory (if you've been lucky enough to avoid these phenomena), ghosting is when someone you're involved with effectively disappears from your life without explanation. They may stop replying to text messages, ignore calls, or generally find ways to evade communicating with you – all so they can avoid the potential awkwardness of outright ending things. Gaslighting, meanwhile, is a pernicious tactic employed by abusers, where they lie, deny, or otherwise manipulate the victim in an effort to make them question their own judgement. Ergo, ghostlighting sees these behaviours amalgamated into one. First, the ghostlighter cuts contact or distances themselves from you, but then – to add insult to injury – reappears or is confronted and claims they never ghosted at all. The exact methods used will differ from person to person, but Dr Rina Bajaj, counselling psychologist and author of The Magic in Me, says 'all of the narratives include some element of power and control.' She tells Metro.co.uk: 'The ghostlighter might subtly twist or distort events, making the partner question their understanding of reality. 'Emotional manipulation is another tactic. Ghostlighters are adept at exploiting emotions to gain control. They may use guilt, pity, or flattery to make their partner feel obligated to accept their narrative.' This can include selectively sharing or withholding information, isolating you from loved ones who might challenge their narrative, lovebombing with over-the-top affection and attention, or playing the victim, 'Ghostlighters often cast themselves as the victims, using their partner's empathy and desire to help t){kind=link}
NEWS… BUT NOT AS YOU KNOW IT
As if a promising new situationship going AWOL isn’t hard enough to deal with, what about adding a whole extra layer of awful?
That’s the general gist of ghostlighting: a portmanteau of ghosting and gaslighting that combines the very worst aspects of modern dating.
To refresh your memory (if you’ve been lucky enough to avoid these phenomena), ghosting is when someone you’re involved with effectively disappears from your life without explanation. They may stop replying to text messages, ignore calls, or generally find ways to evade communicating with you – all so they can avoid the potential awkwardness of outright ending things.
Gaslighting, meanwhile, is a pernicious tactic employed by abusers, where they lie, deny, or otherwise manipulate the victim in an effort to make them question their own judgement.