 Cher once said: 'My experience with men is great because I pick them because I like them. I don't need them.' It's solid advice: when we get romantically or sexually involved with someone, if we feel we need them, we're likely going to let our boundaries get trampled on. That's especially true if it's a situationship in which asking to be treated well might feel at odds with the casual nature of it. But reader, it isn't at odds at all. Caroline Plumer, psychotherapist as CPPC London, says: 'Boundaries are vital in all relationships, whether that be romantic, platonic, familial, with colleagues or even with ourselves. 'They ensure we feel emotionally (and physically) safe and are not put in a position where we feel disrespected or mistreated.' And yet, often people approach the respect they give to be in parallel with the seriousness of the connection. In reality, respect and tolerating boundaries should simply be a basic in human interaction – be it a one night stand or a fully fledged relationship. Boundaries and asks in casual dating might include things like: mutual effort and planning around meet ups, being open about sexual health statuses, and being replied to in a reasonable amount of time. But it can seem challenging to implement these fundamental things we all know we deserve when the relationship in question isn't solid. Caroline says: 'For many of us, when we try to set a boundary, our people pleasing urge kicks in. 'We become more concerned about upsetting or offending someone else, than about protecting ourselves. 'Particularly when it comes to romantic relationships (however casual), we may worry about 'scaring them off' or being 'too much'. 'If someone doesn't want to respect your boundaries, or give you what you reasonably need, then this probably isn't the person or situation for you.' A friend recently shared that in a new dating situation, she wasn't happy with the length of time he would take){kind=link}
NEWS… BUT NOT AS YOU KNOW IT
Cher once said: ‘My experience with men is great because I pick them because I like them. I don’t need them.’
It’s solid advice: when we get romantically or sexually involved with someone, if we feel we need them, we’re likely going to let our boundaries get trampled on.
That’s especially true if it’s a situationship in which asking to be treated well might feel at odds with the casual nature of it.
But reader, it isn’t at odds at all.